Everything you never needed to know about sex...
by Ally5
Summary: Helen's take on the beginning of Bobby and Lindsay's relationship


Title: Everything you never wanted to know about sex but have been forced to find out  
  
   
  
Summary: The story so far. In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.  
  
   
  
            hehehe  
  
   
  
That's one of my favourite quotes. Anyway, this story is set after Love and Honor - its pretty self explanatory.  
  
   
  
Author's Notes: I got very stuck halfway through and considered giving the whole thing up. Luckily Jewel gave me some elements to add in. I'll tell you at the end what they are :D Big thanks to Jewel for all her help. Hope you like it. Feedback can always be sent to me at allys_fanfic@yahoo.com.au  
  
   
  
Rating: None. Although the title suggests otherwise, this is not a graphic fic  
  
   
  
Disclaimer: Yeah yeah, they're not mine. Never were, and never will be.  The title and summary also don't belong to me. They are the works of the brilliant (and slightly eccentric) Douglas Adams.  
  
   
  
******************  
  
   
  
"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm"  
  
   
  
There was that noise again. Sighing loudly I fluffed my pillow with a firm thump. Shut up shut up shut up!  
  
   
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh"  
  
   
  
I buried my head. This just wasn't fair. I had a trial first thing the next morning. A big one. Break and enter. Okay so it wasn't a HUGE case, but I deserved sleep. Apparently the other people in my home didn't think so because suddenly there was a piercing shriek and an almost simultaneous burst of masculine laughter. Lindsay, always the considerate friend, could be heard shushing him.  
  
   
  
"Shhhh. Helen's in the next room."  
  
"She's asleep."  
  
   
  
Don't you love hearing people talking about you? It's my favourite pastime. Note the sarcasm.  
  
   
  
Lindsay was quick with a smart reply. "Shhh anyway. You're not concentrating on the job."  
  
   
  
He laughed and even I had to grin at that. From the sounds emitted from her room over the last hour, he had been very much concentrating on the task at hand. I wasn't one to listen, but it was difficult not to. However I was saved more torture as silence ensued. I sighed gratefully and again plumped up my pillow. Now I could get that sleep I deserved.  
  
   
  
"Bobbeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"  
  
   
  
"Shhhhhh!"  
  
   
  
"Well stop it."  
  
   
  
"We're going to wake Helen."  
  
   
  
"Don't worry," I called. "I'm awake." Their voices stopped abruptly and horrified silence ensued.  
  
   
  
Finally I heard Lindsay's distinctive laugh and she called back through the wall, "Sorry Helen."  
  
   
  
"Yeah, yeah." I grumbled and rolled over, certain that they would quiet down now that they knew they had a captive (and unhappy) audience. But it was not to be. After five minutes of silence I heard the first signal that they had resumed their earlier activities.  
  
   
  
"Its ok, I didn't want to get any sleep anyway," I informed them.  
  
   
  
There was more silence and I could almost see them staring at each other uneasily.  
  
   
  
I smiled and continued, "You know, I'll keep lying here...alone...I'm fine with it. Please continue."  
  
   
  
Lindsay giggled again and once again raised her voice so that it could travel through the paper thin walls of our apartment. "Helen can you just shut up please?"  
  
   
  
She had walked into my trap. "I will if you will."  
  
   
  
I heard Bobby sigh loudly, and I assumed it was for my benefit, but he said nothing.  
  
   
  
Still smiling I picked up my pillow and pulled my quilt off the bed and quietly set up camp in the living room, listening to the silence that I left in my wake. Of course the silence wasn't permanent. I swear, if it wasn't for contraception, he'd have her knocked up in no time. They were like rabbits.  
  
   
  
BANG!  
  
   
  
Laughter.  
  
   
  
I pulled the pillow over my head and for good measure added another cushion. I was pretty sure I knew what they were doing. Bobby was using one of the moves I had showed him. I guess I should be proud, but for some reason I was more grossed out.  
  
   
  
For the most part I had had no problem with Lindsay and Bobby getting together. Bobby and I were over a long time ago, and just like life, our relationship had begun its demise at its conception. In the meantime we had some great times (for times, read sex). So when Lindsay began to reveal her true feelings for Bobby (feelings I suspect had been in existence for a long time) I didn't think twice about encouraging her to go for it.  
  
   
  
"You're in love with him"  
  
"What?! Who?"  
  
"What are you afraid of? Because you two work together? If its right"  
  
"It isn't right. And I know where it will end. I don't want to end up like..."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"He's a workaholic for one thing"  
  
"What's another thing, are you waiting for him to totally get over me because it just doesn't happen"  
  
"Lets just decorate the tree"  
  
"Sure...you're an idiot"  
  
"Decorate!"  
  
   
  
I had had no idea of the power of my words and no consideration for the consequences. They had a bearing not only upon two people I hold close to my heart, but most unexpectedly, also upon myself. You see I never wasted time with jealousy over my best friend and ex-lover's new relationship - as far as I was concerned, he was rightfully hers – but I also had given little thought to the potential awkwardness of the situation.  
  
   
  
It all began with that fateful day of the Christmas party.  
  
   
  
***************  
  
   
  
I stood in the back of the courtroom as the verdict was read. Bobby's face was set in stone, he seemed determined not to show any emotion at all, but his eyes betrayed his hidden fear. His wasn't the only tense face in the room; all the lawyers from the firm were lined up with identical stoic expressions. The words were spoken and all faces blazed with victory. Smiles broke through the stony exteriors and they spoke convincingly that they were never really worried. They almost believed it themselves.  
  
   
  
So Lucy's Christmas extravaganza went ahead and it looked as though it was going to be quite a party. When I arrived, Bobby was looking around the office with a dazed expression, seemingly amazed that it was still his.  
  
   
  
"Bobby," I pulled him aside.  
  
   
  
"Helen! I'm glad you could come."  
  
   
  
"Congratulations."  
  
   
  
"Thanks. Uh...can I get you a drink?"  
  
   
  
"No. I...er...actually I want to speak to you."  
  
   
  
"You do?" He looked around, uncomfortable.  
  
   
  
"Its ok, I'm not going to ask you out again. Why would I put myself through that twice?"  
  
   
  
He grimaced. I smiled sweetly at him; his reaction was expected.  
  
   
  
"I actually want to talk to you about Lindsay."  
  
   
  
The uncomfortable expression returned and he gazed about him as though for an escape.  
  
   
  
"What...uh...why?"  
  
   
  
"Bobby far be it from me to interfere-"  
  
   
  
He gave a short sarcastic laugh, "Since when?"  
  
   
  
I glared at him. "Do you want to know or not?"  
  
   
  
He motioned with his hand to continue. "Sorry, go ahead."  
  
   
  
"Lindsay got an offer from another firm."  
  
   
  
"She always gets other offers." His tone was cocky and outwardly he seemed nonplussed by the news, but I could sense fear with the precision of a lion. It radiated from him, giving him an aura of unease.  
  
   
  
"I think she's seriously considering accepting."  
  
   
  
His confidence began to deteriorate, "She wouldn't..."  
  
   
  
I raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't she?" and walked away, leaving him looking distinctly worried.  
  
   
  
Lindsay would kill me if she knew I was interfering once again in her love life (I had been quite willing to always stir things up when we were rooming together in college), but she was my best friend and I wanted her to be happy. If I had known her happiness would come at such a personal cost, I never would have bothered interfering.  
  
   
  
It was less than an hour later that I noticed them surreptitiously enter his office under the curious eyes of more than just my own. Rebecca and Lucy were both steadfastly watching the door and finally, after several minutes, Lucy could no longer stand the suspense. She casually approached his office and peered inside. The look of shock on her face was enough of a revelation. I too approached to door and peered in.  
  
   
  
Lucy turned to me. "They're really exchanging fluid with that one." Her eyes glittered as she studied the scene in front of her. I could tell she was dying to interrupt, to let them know that their secret was out. So instead of joining her ogling I pulled her away by the arm, intent on distracting her until the suction machines in Bobby's office could find some composure.  
  
   
  
It wasn't only Lindsay and Bobby that needed to find composure. Shockwaves were reverberating through me and the image burned in my eyes. I had actively encouraged and enthusiastically interfered in their relationship, but after Lindsay's steadfast refusal to advance the relationship, I hadn't expected such a turnaround in so short a period.  
  
   
  
I pointedly raised an eyebrow when a flushed Lindsay eventually emerged from the room. A similarly flushed Bobby closely followed her out but he moved away to speak to a client, Lindsay's sparkling eyes following his every move as she dazedly wandered away. It was only by luck that she ended up by my side after bumping into a hefty client and practically rebounding off him in my direction. I caught her arm.  
  
   
  
"Well?" I asked.  
  
   
  
She smiled secretively, "I guess I'm not leaving the firm after all."  
  
   
  
I struggled to hold back my smile, "I guess he must have been persuasive."  
  
   
  
She smiled broadly, "Yes, he put forward a very strong case." Her eyes left my face and once again rested on Bobby. "Oh by the way, Helen...remind me never to tell you anything again."  
  
   
  
"What!? Why?"  
  
   
  
"Oh come on...you went to Bobby behind my back and told him about me thinking of leaving. You need to be punished for this." I felt colour drain from my face. Surely she wasn't mad? How could she be mad? My interference had got her the man that she loved? She should be kissing my feet and begging to remain my friend! I was about to come up with a smart retort when she broke out into a huge grin, "Lunch tomorrow at the Red Herring?"  
  
   
  
She had named my favorite restaurant. "I think the punishment fits the crime. But a condition is, you give me details."  
  
   
  
"Deal."  
  
   
  
And with a conspiratorial smile she left my side and whisked Bobby away from the client. They were almost out the door when she spun around and raised her eyebrows at me, her face conveying her disbelief at the situation she now found herself in. And seconds later, they were gone.  
  
   
  
My life was about to be thrown into disarray.  
  
   
  
They spent the first few nights at Bobby's place and I suspect this was Bobby's decision rather than Lindsay's. Maybe he was more intelligent than I gave him credit for, because he was certainly the only one who sensed the potential awkwardness of the situation. The first night they spent here was the day after Christmas and they arrived in a halo of satisfaction and delight. But awkwardness soon reigned between us.  
  
   
  
It was bizarre to sit with two people that you know intimately and have nothing to say. We spoke of Christmas and families and left a ten mile radius around the topic that was foremost in each of our minds. Bobby's dad was fine. Lindsay's parents were fine. My parents were fine. Christmas was enjoyable.  
  
   
  
Silence.  
  
   
  
"So are you two going to go do what I know you want to do, or are we going to keep talking about Christmas?" I asked innocently.  
  
   
  
Bobby and Lindsay exchanged a glance, and in unison rose to their feet. "We're going to...get some sleep." Lindsay stammered.  
  
   
  
Who were they kidding? "If you want some company you know who to call." I pasted a serious expression on my face and waited for the reaction.  
  
   
  
I wasn't disappointed. Bobby's face turned beet red and he pulled Lindsay closer to him. He was such a prude and I loved shocking him. Lindsay gave me a withering look, "No I think we can manage on our own."  
  
   
  
"Well I have some books if you need some guidance. They even have naughty pictures. Oh but Bobby knows that already."  
  
   
  
Bobby's face was nearing purple. There was laughter in Lindsay's eyes as she watched him. "Come on," she urged, pulling him by the arm. He obediently followed but I could see that his mind was ticking over, searching for the right response. Finally he looked over his shoulder,  
  
   
  
"We don't need things to be different every time for sex to be satisfying Helen."  
  
   
  
Ouch.  
  
   
  
Lindsay glared at him and I hoped she'd turn him out and break the whole thing off. But I was of course disappointed. "I told you to behave yourself tonight." I heard her mutter as they left the room.  
  
   
  
"You'll have to punish him, Lindsay," I called. I picked up a tube of Christmas wrapping paper left on the coffee table. "Need a weapon?"  
  
   
  
They looked back and saw me holding out the tube. Bobby couldn't get out of the room fast enough but I was pleased when Lindsay laughed and retraced her steps into the living room. "He didn't want to come here because of you, you know. He knew you'd make things difficult."  
  
   
  
"I was just trying to lighten him up. God knows he needs it."  
  
   
  
She raised an eyebrow, "You underestimate me."  
  
   
  
"Lindsay you're as much of a prude as he is. You'd get excited after a peck on the cheek."  
  
   
  
"Helen!"  
  
   
  
"Kidding."  
  
   
  
She turned serious, "Look....are you sure you're okay with this?"  
  
   
  
"Of course! Why wouldn't I be? Just keep the noise down, okay? I go to trial tomorrow."  
  
   
  
"Okay."  
  
   
  
"And Linds..."  
  
   
  
"Yeah."  
  
   
  
"I'm happy for you."  
  
   
  
Her face lit up. "Thanks."  
  
   
  
*********************************  
  
   
  
This brings us to the present, with me lying on the couch with a pillow over my head, trying to shut out the noise. I have to admit, I did underestimate Lindsay. Who knew she had so many tricks up her sleeve; she must have borrowed my books when I wasn't looking. Eventually their serenade must have lulled me into sleep because the next thing I knew it was morning and I had a crick in my neck and the breath of a dragon. I wandered towards the bathroom to remedy the situation and although Bobby disagrees with what happened next, I stand by my account. I mean, come on, who would you rather trust – a DA or a defense attorney?  
  
   
  
Lindsay has always been an early riser and so is always finished in the bathroom by 7 am, leaving it to me. So after a cursory glance at my watch, which showed the time to be 4 minutes past, I swept into the bathroom.  
  
   
  
And what a sight was there to behold!  
  
   
  
Bobby was just stepping out of the shower and didn't quite know what to do when he saw me standing wide eyed in the doorway. I don't think his ego appreciated my burst of laughter either. Of course he maintains I walked in on him on purpose, but I swear on my Chanel perfume that it was a complete and utter mistake.  
  
   
  
He reached for the towel so fast he almost slipped on the wet floor and again I had to laugh.  
  
   
  
"Helen...d...do you m...m...mind!?" he stuttered, horrified.  
  
   
  
"Bobby I've seen it all before remember?"  
  
   
  
He looked as though he would rather not remember. I heard Lindsay come out of her room and she called, "Bobby, I-" but stopped when she saw me still standing in the doorway. "Helen! What the hell are you doing!?"  
  
   
  
"Well I came to have my shower, but it seems I interrupted something."  
  
   
  
"You did it on purpose," Bobby bristled.  
  
   
  
"Oh don't flatter yourself."  
  
   
  
Lindsay pulled me out of the bathroom and stepped between us. "Stop it, both of you. You're acting like two year olds."  
  
Bobby grumbled something and pushed past us while Lindsay faced me with a stony expression.  
  
   
  
"Lindsay I swear it was a mistake."  
  
   
  
"Helen…" she shook her head, at a loss for words.  
  
   
  
"Lindsay I didn't mean-"  
  
   
  
"Yeah well try not to do it again."  
  
   
  
"I am sorry."  
  
   
  
She smiled slyly, "I've never seen him so embarrassed as he was just then."  
  
   
  
Ah, the real Lindsay was back. "He has nothing to be ashamed of."  
  
   
  
"Well don't tell him that." She stared at me sternly but eventually the mirth bubbled over. Her laughter was infectious and before long we were both doubled over with tears pouring down our faces.  
  
   
  
"Last night, he insisted on waiting until he was sure you were sleep before we could do anything," she snorted, the words becoming jumbled in the laughs.  
  
   
  
"You realize he'll never want to come here again."  
  
   
  
Her laughs died down and she winked cagily, "I'll convince him it will be worth his while."  
  
   
  
"You'd better go and stroke his ego...and anything else that requires attention."  
  
   
  
She burst into more laughter, "Helen!"  
  
   
  
"Go. I need to get ready for work. Don't tell Bobby I'm in here...he might be thinking of retaliation."  
  
   
  
Her laughter had died on her lips but remained in her eyes, "I doubt very much whether he'll ever find the courage to enter this bathroom again." She picked up the clothes Bobby had dropped on the counter and with one last smile of amusement left the room.  
  
   
  
***  
  
   
  
The week proceeded more smoothly. Bobby avoided me both in court and out and the awkwardness had dulled into more of a momentary unease. They began spending alternate nights at each place, and I dreaded the day they realized it would be much more convenient for them to live together. Thankfully they are both fairly dense and this wouldn't occur to them any time soon. It wasn't until Friday morning that fate once again placed a fallen tree across our smooth path.  
  
   
  
I spent most of the night cooped up once more in the living room, attempting to avoid the sound of their vigorous night. This time it required two pillows and some Metallica played at a volume that made the walls shudder, and in retrospect, I don't know if it helped any. I woke with a pounding headache, but at least I hadn't heard any sounds from their bedroom. There's something distinctly ewwww about listening to friends making love. Sure it's a natural, normal occurrence, but it falls into the category of "parents and sex" and as far as I'm concerned, they just don't do it. But I digress.  
  
   
  
As I said, when I woke I felt like I had a jackhammer and its noisy operator drilling through my temples. Obviously the Metallica hadn't been a good choice; I'd have to play Eminem next time, but somehow playing music made by a man who aspired to be candy didn't really appeal to me much. I once again stumbled towards the bathroom and after knocking, (I was learning) this time I found it mercifully empty. I showered quickly, still afraid of Bobby instigating some revenge plotline and hurried to my bedroom to change before returning to the bathroom to brush my teeth.  
  
   
  
I had just put my toothbrush in my mouth when Bobby wandered in (ah ha! I knew he had been planning something!). This time it was him who stood in the doorway with his jaw crashing to earth.  
  
   
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
   
  
It's really hard to talk with a toothbrush in your mouth without dribbling foam and saliva down your chin. Plus you don't really make much sense. Needless to say, I found out the hard way.  
  
   
  
"Uhah ma eef" I replied indignantly. Somehow the indignity is lost when your words sound like they've come out of a 18 month old's mouth.  
  
   
  
"What?"  
  
   
  
I took the toothbrush out. I can hear you say, 'smart woman,' in a very awed tone and I have to agree that I am. "I said, I'm brushing my teeth. What does it look like I'm doing?" I rolled my eyes. He had to be the stupidest man in Boston.  
  
   
  
"With my toothbrush?"  
  
   
  
"It's my toothbrush!"  
  
   
  
"No, it's mine." He pointed, "That's yours in the toothbrush holder."  
  
   
  
I of course did the expected double take. What a coincidence. We had the same toothbrush. "But I never put my toothbrush in there!" I wailed.  
  
   
  
"Lindsay must have put it away."  
  
   
  
"This is your toothbrush?"  
  
   
  
He wrinkled his nose, no doubt seeing the saliva dripping down the side. "Yes."  
  
   
  
"I never even shared my toothbrush with you when we were dating." There was that wail again. A banshee would have been proud. I began washing my mouth out with scalding hot water. Sure Bobby and I have exchanged bodily fluids before, but ewwww. You just shouldn't use your best friend's boyfriend's toothbrush. It was against the rules or something. I think the only remedy for a situation such as this was to get false teeth. I'd inquire about it at work. Hey Bobby has a dentist cousin, maybe I could get his number.  
  
   
  
Bobby was watching my actions with amusement. My gums were now scrubbed until they were red and I doubted whether I'd be able to taste food for a couple of years, but my mouth now seemed to be free of Bobby germs. I rinsed his toothbrush and handed it to him. He took it gingerly, "Thanks" and promptly threw it in the small bin in the corner. He took Lindsay's toothbrush out of the holder and gave me a conspiratorial wink before proceeding to brush his teeth.  
  
   
  
As I left the bathroom I realized I had learnt an important lesson over the past week. Bathrooms are dangerous places when your roomie has her boyfriend staying over. I would in future avoid them completely when Bobby was here. I'd sponge bath from the kitchen sink if necessary.  
  
   
  
Lindsay was making coffee in the kitchen when I entered. She gave me a wary look, "What was that all about?"  
  
   
  
"Oh Bobby and I were just reminiscing over old times."  
  
   
  
She gave me her best withering look.  
  
   
  
"It was nothing, don't worry about it." I reached into my pocket to see if there was any money in there but all I found was a New York Subway Token. I handed it to Lindsay, "Here, you might want to buy yourself a new toothbrush."  
  
   
  
Her furrowed brow gave away her perplexity. "Why?"  
  
   
  
"No reason. Just a friendly suggestion."  
  
   
  
"What did you do to it?"  
  
   
  
"Nothing at all. I just didn't realize that this morning was 'Share Your Toothbrush Day'."  
  
   
  
"Oh I forgot to tell you, you've got the same toothbrush as Bo.......Ohhhh." Realization dawned on her. "You didn't."  
  
   
  
I sighed melodramatically.  
  
   
  
A smile spread slowly across her face, "That would explain why your gums are bleeding."  
  
   
  
 "Lindsay, you remember when I told you that if you loved Bobby, go get him?"  
  
   
  
She nodded.  
  
   
  
"Well I don't think it was such a good idea after all."  
  
   
  
She tilted her head, considering. "Why?"  
  
   
  
"Well, it just isn't working out. There's tension and obviously a communication breakdown...I think you should call the whole thing off."  
  
   
  
"The tension and communication breakdown is between you and Bobby...and luckily for us, you're not a part of our relationship."  
  
   
  
"I just think you could do better, that's all. I mean he's a nice guy and all, but he's a toothbrush stealer and he has NO sense of humour at all."  
  
   
  
She handed me some coffee, which frankly was not a good thing to be drinking after scrubbing away the top layer of skin in your mouth. Maybe Lindsay was in on Bobby's plot to get rid of me. Bobby chose that moment to enter the kitchen and he slipped his arms around Lindsay.  
  
   
  
"Mornin beautiful," he mumbled into her neck. She turned in his arms and they kissed.  
  
   
  
Well I could handle a quick 'good morning' kiss but this seemed to go on forever. "Hello, I am here you know."  
  
Bobby sighed loudly and pulled out of the kiss, glaring at me. "Well don't hold your breath for a kiss." He grinned, proud of himself for his retort. But then he remembered that he was angry at me and the glare returned. " Some people just don't know when to leave."  
  
"Bobby," Lindsay reproached. He took his coffee and left the room without another word.  She turned to me, "You do make things difficult, Helen."  
  
   
  
She was pissed at me. That bears repeating and let me emphasize some words to make the understanding clearer. SHE was pissed at ME. Me! I had been the catalyst in their relationship, I had pushed them together when fate was pulling them apart. I had a right to be difficult! They should be accommodating to me, not I to them! I of course articulated these comprehensive arguments in one word; I'm clever that way. "WHAT!?" I screeched.  
  
   
  
"Oh please, you're always in our face, we can't do anything without you poking your head in and commenting. It makes things really hard. He's now got it into his head that the only solution is for me to move in with him.  
  
   
  
I think my heart must have stopped for a few seconds. I thumped on my chest to start it again and took a breath to relieve the burning in my lungs. "But...you can't!" I whispered.  
  
   
  
"I don't want to. It's way too soon and my Dad would hunt Bobby down and kill him if he knew. But...it's tempting."  
  
   
  
"I'll be good, I promise." I felt like a child begging for toys.  
  
   
  
"I'd like to see that."  
  
   
  
"Lindsay, what would I do without you?"  
  
   
  
"I dread to think. The apartment would be a pigsty, the bathroom would be a biological disaster zone, but on the upside people wouldn't be sharing toothbrushes." She gave me a twisted smile. "Look, I'm serious in that I don't want to go. But can you please make an effort to leave us alone?"  
  
   
  
"Sure." I nodded once to show her I really meant it.  
  
   
  
She was staring at me, unconvinced.  
  
   
  
"Okay, okay, okay, okay! I'll make an effort. I'll learn to knock. I'll refrain from making comments. I'll stop using the bathroom and stop brushing my teeth. I'll stay in the living room, sitting on my hands with tape over my mouth. Will that do?"  
  
   
  
"Maybe."  
  
   
  
I sighed. "Look, it's just awkward. You and him. I just need to get used to it." It was the truth. I always reacted with my twisted sense of humour in awkward situations. Plus it was simply my nature to shock people.  
  
   
  
Lindsay was again skeptical, "This is your reason for always interrupting? You need to get used to it? Helen, you don't need to SEE things in order to get used to them."  
  
   
  
I laughed. "No I keep interrupting because your reactions are priceless."  
  
   
  
"Well it's about time you found other amusement."  
  
   
  
"I'll be good on one condition."  
  
   
  
"What?"  
  
   
  
"I'm allowed one shock each month. Lindsay, you have no idea how much fun it is! He goes so purple."  
  
   
  
"Helen!"  
  
   
  
I sighed. I'd just have to shock him when Lindsay wasn't around and then deny everything. "I'll try to be good, Linds, I don't want to lose you."  
  
   
  
"I don't want to lose you either."  
  
   
  
It was one of those moments where the audience (if we had one) would go "awwwww". We hugged tightly before she left to convince Bobby that I was going to behave myself. But she was hardly two steps away when she turned and gave me a weird look. "Oh and Helen........Metallica?"  
  
   
  
I shrugged and she giggled. "I think it took Bobby back to his college days," she still had a strange look on her face. "Please don't play it again."  
  
   
  
I didn't play it again. I didn't want to know what weird reaction it had caused. But strangely I heard "Nothing Else Matters" played in Lindsay's room later that week. It was one occasion where I didn't dare interrupt.  
  
   
  
And I did behave myself. For a week anyway. What can I say? Its tough restraining a side of your personality that you've cultivated for years. It's who I am. But we became a happy little threesome. No, stop looking at me funny, I didn't mean threesome in that way. A happy little household. There is that better? Bobby soon learned to simply ignore me and Lindsay soon learned to stand between Bobby and I when we were in the same room.  
  
   
  
And the best thing that happened after that week?  
  
   
  
We put a lock on the bathroom door.  
  
   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
   
  
The end  
  
   
  
OK the elements were:  
  
    Tube of wrapping paper  
  
    False Teeth  
  
    New York Subway Token  
  
    Something shared that should not be shared (toothbrush)  
  
    Naughty picture  
  
  


End file.
